Tweed & Malt

Dear Tommy,

As you know, I’m a closet Toby Keith fan.  Toby, also known as the Bard of the War in Afghanistan, is famous for eloquent, evocative songwriting.  Such as:    

Real Man

And you’ll be sorry that you messed with

The U S of A

Cause we’ll put a boot in your ass

It’s the american way

He’s also written “The Taliban Song,” the first New Country ditty about an Afghan cowboy.  Written from the point of view of a “middle-aged, middle-eastern camel herdin’ man” who “saddles up” with his “old lady” and “flips a couple fingers to the Taliban,”  this isn’t just pure country.  It’s pure poetry.

I have a lot in common with Toby.  I, too, am from the U S of A.  I like wearing cowboy hats.  And I’m sexy.

So when I found out that Toby Keith is about to release a “liquor” called Toby Keith’s Wild Shot Mezcal, I flipped a couple fingers to Mexico and shouted “yee-haw!” 

Mezcal is for Patriots

 As expected, this stuff is more authentic than anything with a Mexican name on it.  It is 100% agave, it is not made to be “mixed,” its logo reassuringly references the Old West saloon, and EACH BOTTLE CONTAINS A WORM. 

Toby, thanks.  Mezcal isn’t for the unAmerican, like Mexicans or hipsters.  Mezcal is for patriots.  It’s for that old couple on their front porch swing, watching the sun go down over their farm.  It’s for the single mom working nights as a stripper to make ends meet.  It’s for fourteen-year-olds feeling frisky in the cornfield.    It’s for me!

Love,

Mabel